Claplist 8 – Microsoft
I’m so sick and tired of dedicating more time to companies that have already managed to waste so much of it.
Without going into too much detail: I lost access to my Enterprise account for technical reasons beyond my understanding, and after going around in circles with mentally challenged support staff in India, who spoke about as much English as the average jellyfish and couldn’t get a simple phone number right, let alone help me to regain access to my account, I eventually ended up paying quite a lot of money to restore an expired domain and get back into my account through the automated ‘backup email’ reset process.
I emailed Satya Nadella (email@example.com), Neil Barnett (firstname.lastname@example.org), Doug Brubacher (email@example.com), and Pam Barber (firstname.lastname@example.org), and despite a long series of back-and-forth with all of the above copied in, the only person I dealt with was Ana Stanciucu (email@example.com), who was about as useful as a camouflaged golf ball.
Within the complaint I had made a DSAR (Data Subject Access Request), because I urgently wanted a recording of what was basically strict proof of Microsoft’s incompetence. Unfortunately however, Ana informed me that the message of calls being recorded, is only conveniently applicable to non-business accounts. Apparently business calls aren’t recorded…
Nevertheless, Ana had me run through the process of making the DSAR request through a form that didn’t work, before finally escalating the request herself to the relevant department, only to come back to me with… the notification that my call wasn’t actually ever recorded. For the record, I still don’t believe her. I honestly think the call was just so embarrassing for Microsoft that they didn’t want me to put it on YouTube. It was really bad… I had the support agent read my very simple mobile number back to me six times, and she still couldn’t get it right. I understand equal opportunities but should a person like this really be tied into a customer-serving role?
When it finally came to the discussion of compensation, Microsoft offered to settle the matter pre-court for just under £500, which I reluctantly agreed to, having wasted a enough time going back and forth with them. Of course, the circus tricks didn’t stop at the offer of compensation, they wanted some final trolling with their online refund portal, which they wanted me to register on, only to raise a new support request for the ‘pre-approved’ refund.
Suffice it to say I obviously had them do this for me and finally did get the refund sent directly to my bank account…
The cherry on top was when I then received a call a week after the refund from a concerned support agent as to why I was cancelling my Enterprise package with them. He went as far as suggesting that I could even contact him directly if ever there were any similar issues in the future…
Microsoft made the Claplist not because of outsourcing to mentally handicapped individuals who can’t take down a phone number properly, not because their executive complaints team are lazy and copy/paste responses from a handbook, and not even because their online system is a complete mess… but because after all the shit they put me through, they had a salesperson call me up to ask me why I was leaving Microsoft, and whether I’d consider staying with them for a small discount… that, on its own, deserves a round of heavy sarcastic applause.