Index » Claplist 7 – ParcelMonkey

Claplist 7 – ParcelMonkey

Pay peanuts, get monkeys.
– ParcelMonkey the ultimate embodiment of this idiom.

TL;DR – I sued ParcelMonkey and won the full claim of my insurance, plus the court fee, and ParcelMonkey had a second CCJ issued against them which has now put the company into serious trouble. A third CCJ could force the banks to close their accounts.


If you are reading this and you are owed money by ParcelMonkey, please email me at My aim is to get a group of creditors under a single claim (to exceed £750), which will be used to start a winding up petition. I will cover all associated fees of this myself.

I am quite keen to permanently put this company out of business, irrespective of the fact that I have received my money back – for me this was always about principal.

I’m ready to piss on their grave and I will pursue this at any cost.

What happened?

Here is a picture of an iMac that I sold on eBay earlier this year – in fact I sold two of them:

After I had packed the two iMacs into a box to ship them off, it looked like this:

You don’t have to be a professor of astrophysics to understand that this is not a box one should handle carelessly.

I then commissioned an idiot to collect this box, via the idiots-r-us gateway at Since I assumed from experience that no matter how many fragile stickers I put on this box, it would still be kicked and thrown around, I took absolutely every precaution I could to protect both the iMacs and myself: from padding out the whole box with bubblewrap, to insuring the delivery at £500 (roughly 2/3 of the sale).

When the box arrived with the buyer, it looked like this:

And the iMacs inside the box looked like this:

As you can see… somewhat bent to fuck, because an idiot had placed a heavier box on top of the fragile-sticker-laden box… what a silly twat he was. I imagine his career at ParcelForce is really taking off after this.

The conversation I had with the buyer in light of the above, was that I agreed to refund the cost of the stands, plus the time it would take to fix them, which he quantified at a total of £500. – Not a hugely unrealistic price., given the complexity in the replacement process. Fortunately for me, £500 also happened to be the exact price at which I had insured the delivery.

After then emailing ParcelMonkey, I was told that the delivery was not eligible for compensation, thanks to some hidden terms and conditions, Genuine Jack reports:

I then emailed both ParcelMonkey and ParcelForce (the actual courier) at executive level, and was kindly informed by ParcelForce – within the space of 10 minutes – that the courier who carelessly handled a fragile package was not responsible to pay for the compensation, and in fact the agreement and insurance was with ParcelMonkey, so I should liaise with them directly.

Have-a-go Jack then responded with the following kind remarks:

Subsequently starting an electronic debate on the value of the repair work… Mathematic Jack shot me the numbers:

His breakdown was not clear, so I broke it down for him in simpler terms. Jack of All Trades then replied:

I wasn’t going to buy into his evasion for the beans he’d trade a cow for. I argued that it was at this point irrelevant how much of an iMac stand replacement expert he was, the fact was that I was down money and my shipment was insured.

But then Legal Jack wrapped it up:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fix a broken iMac.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, as he opened it up in a flash,
Showing plenty of grit, “I can fix this shit”,
– he exclaimed as he took all the cash.

With a spanner at hand, it took less than a grand,
– and a stand that was quite secondhand.

But unfortunately Jack, you’ve had too much crack,
– I just wanted my money back.

The marginal increase of £80 didn’t exactly give me an erection, furthermore I had already submitted submitted the case in response to his previous message about mediation… which he clearly confused with litigation, given that he intended to present his case and evidence to the mediator… as funny as that would have been, I pointed out that this had gone far enough.

I had attached Managing Director Nav Ramiah (, as the defendant email, to ensure that he would see the case and receive the updates… I was definitely being fair, I could have easily omitted an email address.

Nav did at no point respond to my emails directly, nor did he act on the case. I also saw that the company had a CCJ issued against them already, earlier this year:

It was no surprise then, when I received a judgement by default:

I followed up straight away with ParcelMonkey and got the following response:

The payment was literally made immediately – the same day – but unfortunately I haven’t found the time to let the court know yet, and I would rather prioritise the hour it takes me to write this article over the thirty seconds it takes to update the case online, knowing that if ParcelMonkey haven’t paid the submission fee and shown strict proof of payment to update the courts themselves, it will mean that the CCJ will be logged on their public record for the next six years, given that it’s now been over a month since the CCJ was issued.

Monkey lessons to take away from this:

  1. Monkey business is bad business.
  2. Don’t make a monkey out of me.
  3. Don’t monkey around when I tell you that I’m going to sue you.
  4. It’s a barrel of monkeys until I put the monkeys over a barrel.